When Does “Good Vibes Only” Become Toxic Positivity?
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We have been experiencing a cultural shift for a few years now. Millennials are getting older and Gen Z determines what’s on-trend and popular. Along with this has come backlash against the trendy phrase “Good Vibes Only!” Is the phrase only a lighthearted saying or does it have a problematic touch to it?
The “Good Vibes Only” Culture
The Good Vibes Only culture may have started with good intentions, but for some, it has spiraled into a negative experience. The good vibes trend does not take into consideration that some of us need to express our negative emotions in order to cope. By limiting your emotional response to only accept “good vibes,” you don’t explore the full range of human emotion. This can lead to repressing negative experiences and having them manifest negatively in other parts of our personality. While it’s important to try to stay positive, constant positivity can result in worse mental health.
Toxic Positivity and Mental Health
Toxic positivity is “the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset.” On the surface, this sounds like a “glass half full” type of approach that may be good. Toxic positivity consists of shoving your negative experiences away into a box and only embracing the happy parts of your life. This may mean saying phrases like “it could be worse” or “I’m just being dramatic” in response to a negative feeling.
We may brush these phrases off as us just being optimistic. However, if we look deeper into this mindset, we see that toxic positivity is also a form of gaslighting. We trick ourselves into believing that our problems aren’t really as bad as we feel. We try to control our feelings and tell ourselves that it could be so much worse. We are effectively gaslighting ourselves.
““...we see that toxic positivity is also a form of gaslighting. We trick ourselves into believing that our problems aren’t really as bad as we feel. We try to control our feelings and tell ourselves that it could be so much worse. We are effectively gaslighting ourselves.””
As mental health becomes less stigmatized, we are encouraged and empowered to talk about our struggles. Oftentimes, these struggles get broadcasted onto social media. This has just become the norm—there is nothing wrong with it—but it leaves us vulnerable to the opinions of others.
Not only are we invalidating our own emotions, but we are also having others invalidate our feelings for us. We see how our problems may not stack up to those of someone else. We begin to regret feeling sad and diminish our problems in sacrifice for what someone else is dealing with.
Your problems may be smaller on a scale of conventional trauma, but they are worthy of whatever emotional reaction comes naturally to you.
Toxic Positivity’s Effect on Emotions
At times, the “Good Vibes Only” culture can hinder the validity of our personal emotional struggles. While being optimistic can be great for our mental health, ignoring all notions of negative feelings can make us toxic to ourselves.
This can result in not only dismissing our negative feelings, but also negative feelings of others. Our empathy is drained because we can always find a scenario that’s bigger and more “worthy” of tears.
We may start to hide our own painful emotions, leading us to suppress them deep down. Like a volcano, the pressure from not exploring these emotions builds and builds until an explosion causes it all to come to the surface in a negative way. This can result in unhealthy expression that may hurt you or others.
Also, since you never processed the negative emotions in a healthy way, negative situations of the same caliber may affect you time and time again without you even realizing. These unhealthy patterns will continue until you confront the negativity inside of you and break the cycle.
““...since you never processed the negative emotions in a healthy way, negative situations of the same caliber may affect you time and time again without you even realizing. These unhealthy patterns will continue until you confront the negativity inside of you and break the cycle.””
This all comes from ignoring the problem at hand and instead choosing blissful ignorance. Luckily, it’s possible to both be optimistic without completely ignoring your feelings and engaging in toxic positivity.
How to Stay Positive, but Not Toxic
Staying positive and being an optimistic person is by no means inherently bad. There are ways to stay optimistic and positive, but not fall into the trap of toxicity. Here are some tips on how to achieve this level of joyfulness, balanced with reality.
Learn to Manage Your Feelings
Rather than suppress your feelings from the start of any negative emotion rising, learn how to acknowledge the negativity and manage it. You may find that through exploring these negative feelings, you gain clarity and insight about your life. Once you’ve managed your negative feelings, you can begin to explore how to move forward and past the negativity that once plagued you.
Be Open to All Emotions
It’s possible to feel confused, angry, sad, relieved, etc. all at once. Toxic positivity makes us believe that we have to be either sad or happy and nothing in between. Experiencing multiple emotions at once is a part of being human and a luxury that only mankind can have. Embrace it.
Look to Your Past
Remind yourself of difficult times that happened in your past. Look back on how you dealt with these emotions and how you can continue to use those tactics to grow from this scenario. You can also see that you’ve made it through times like this before and will do the same again. By doing this, you are letting yourself know that it will get better while still acknowledging that right now times are tough and life isn’t at its best.
““It’s easy to tell ourselves that we can be super heroes that deal with emotions with an iron fist...One of the best ways to be strong is to allow yourself to feel all emotions and know you’ll make it through.””
Be Realistic
It’s easy to tell ourselves that we can be super heroes that deal with emotions with an iron fist. However, this isn’t realistic. Remind yourself that you are human and that experiencing a range of emotions is completely normal and a healthy response to dealing with a stressful event. One of the best ways to be strong is to allow yourself to feel all emotions and know you’ll make it through.
Practice Empathy
When we start to diminish what others are feeling and deny their stressors, we know we’ve entered into a world of toxic positivity. We often treat others better than we do ourselves. So, when you’re not practicing empathy towards others, it usually means you have even less empathy for yourself. Start acknowledging and validating others’ pain. Soon enough you’ll find that this support carries over to yourself as well.
Embrace Failure
Failure is inherently not positive. It can leave us feeling down and negative. However, failure is necessary for growth and should be felt to the full extent. Embrace your failures and see what you can do better next time. Use your failures as opportunities for growth, rather than traps that you can’t get out of. You may find that your failures empower you to do better moving forward in your life.
Take a Break
It’s okay to rest and relax when you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. Taking a break does not equate to giving up. Allowing yourself to have time off when times are tough can help you process your emotions quicker and more effectively, allowing you to more swiftly move on from the situation in a healthy manner.
““Sometimes “giving up” and leaving a situation is the best thing we can do for ourselves.””
Engage in Self-Care
If you find that your response to stressful and negative scenarios is to shut down and resort to toxic positivity, take a breath. Engage in any self-care activities that help you through your day and be open to whatever emotions come up in these quiet moments of self-reflection.
Give Up
Toxic positivity can force us to stick with a situation that’s not ideal for longer than we should. Sometimes “giving up” and leaving a situation is the best thing we can do for ourselves. Perhaps the timeline you’re supposed to be on is waiting for you on the other side. Don’t just stick with a bad scenario because you’re afraid of failure and “bad vibes.”
Be Mindful of Social Media
Social media can often dictate how we feel. Notice how you feel after scrolling through your socials. Do you feel good about yourself or bad? Then, look at the accounts you follow. Unfollow any of the ones that gave you that negative pit in your stomach. You may find that many of the accounts that leave you feeling negative are those that embrace positivity to an extreme. These are toxic positivity accounts.
Your struggles are valid and it is okay if they are not emitting “good vibes” at all times. Staying positive can be a great way to not get trapped in an endless cycle of doubt and pessimism. However, it can also block us off from feeling some pretty important negative emotions. Take these tips into consideration the next time you find yourself trapped in a cycle of toxic positivity. Feeling a range of emotions is completely human and valid.