10 Lessons I Learned About Friendship During the Pandemic
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2020 and 2021 were interesting years for everyone. It united—as well as divided—many groups of people. The political and social climates were the main focus point for most of the year. The Covid-19 pandemic affected everyone differently, but we all knew we needed to adapt. The death of George Floyd sparked outrage and solidarity at the same time. Through all of this turbulence, friendships grew stronger, while other friendships depleted.
Moving to a virtual setting to meet new people put a spin on friendships. Some of us loved the idea of virtual game nights and Zoom cocktail classes. Others may have struggled with the lack of in-person interaction. No matter what your take on this time was, we can all agree that it brought out some important lessons when it came to friendships and socialization.
Constant Contact Isn’t Necessary
Before the pandemic, I would see my friends almost every day. Whether it was at school, hanging out after, or just running into them on the streets. However, when the pandemic started to intensify, I lost contact with many of the people I’d talk to regularly.
Some people I went over a year without seeing. When the world started to open back up, I began seeing the friends I had lost contact with. Some friendships flowed like they used to, while others lost their spark in the time spent apart. I realized that the friendships that were strong could survive months (or years) of no contact and the ones that were awkward to begin with didn’t get any better through time spent apart.
This positive lesson taught me to trust in my strong friendships. No matter what might happen in the world, your deepest friendships will make it through with you to the other side. I plan to take this lesson into the future whenever I feel stressed about not having enough time for friendships. The true friendships will last through times of silence.
““ No matter what might happen in the world, your deepest friendships will make it through with you to the other side. I plan to take this lesson into the future whenever I feel stressed about not having enough time for friendships. The true friendships will last through times of silence.””
Friendships Evolve
I have friends from high school, college, and beyond. For a while, I felt like I couldn’t let any of these friendships go. I saw breakups between friends as one person hurting the other and having the friendship dissolve because of it.
However, this year I learned that friendships evolve over the years and it’s okay to grow apart. No one has to be in the wrong. Sometimes it’s as simple as you were both in the same friend group but never actually individual friends, or your interests changed and so did your friendships. Friendships change and evolve, so you can’t keep trying to make one work that you’ve already outgrown.
““Friendships change and evolve, so you can’t keep trying to make one work that you’ve already outgrown.””
No Friendship is Perfect
Throughout 2020, we were glued to our phones. Without in-person events, we were stuck staring at a screen and getting major FOMO whenever someone would post online. It’s easy to feel like others’ friendships are perfect when they’re curated on social media.
Then, in 2021, I’d hangout with the people that seemed to have perfect friendships and they would end up complaining about their friend. I quickly realized that every friendship has its high points and low points and the ones that seem perfect are usually not the deep and meaningful connections you’re looking for.
Friends Might Not Always Agree with You
In 2020, social justice causes and public health safety became huge talking points for people to share their opinions on. Quickly, we were able to see who agreed with our point of view and who disagreed. Many of my friends had similar views to me, but a few disagreed on the topics we were discussing. I decided to see their honesty as a positive. After all, only a true friend would tell you that their opinion differs from your own and still want to keep up the friendship afterwards.
However, I also learned how to draw boundaries. It’s great to come to a common middle ground of understanding. However, if you feel passionate about a subject and your friend refuses to understand your point of view, it might be time to reconsider that friendship.
Friendship is a Mutually Beneficial Relationship
I found throughout lockdown (and the subsequent time afterwards) that I began to not contact my friends as much anymore. I’m not a big fan of texting, phone calls, or video chats. This left me forgetting to reach out to my friends that I was close to.
Then, when someone would reach out to me, I’d get excited. I realized that to be a great friend, I needed to start the conversation every once in a while and show my friends that I was thinking of them and still cared.
This still didn’t make me a person who texted 24/7, but learning this lesson made me into a more consistent friend. If I thought about a friend throughout the day, I’d send a text or set up a call. They were all small actions, but helped me hold up my end of the friendship.
Listening is Important
During this time, everyone was going through a major change, making everyone want to talk about their problems. It feels great to air out your problems, but can get annoying if you don’t let the other person talk, too.
Throughout this year, I made listening a priority. In fact, through listening, I answered some of the questions I had floating around in my brain. Give people your undivided attention and soon, they’ll return the favor back to you.
Good Friends Support You
Over the past several years, there were wins but also a lot of losses. This made for a ton of jealousy. Those that see your successes as a threat to their success aren’t the people you want to keep close. Those that support you and are genuinely happy about your wins are the ones you want to keep close. Friends should be there to listen to your success stories and motivate you.
Also, if you find that some friends aren’t supporting you the way that you would like, ask them about it. We’ll talk more about this in the next lesson, but communication matters.
Friendships are Only as Strong as Your Communication
Over the course of this past year, many things stopped us from being able to communicate clearly. Fights would spark easier over text or calls because you couldn’t see your friend’s face.
I learned that I needed to communicate clearly and not in the heat of anger. That angry text might feel great in the moment, but it’ll come back to haunt you later on. This lesson pushed me to communicate more and not be ashamed of voicing my problems to my friends.
If they’re truly your friend, they’ll want to hear about what you are upset about and work to fix it with you. I plan to continue strengthening my skills of communication both online—and in person—with friends.
Canceling Last Minute is Rarely About You
Situations and feelings changed quickly over the course of the past year. Small headaches that could’ve been solved with a few Advils and some water turned into a possible contagious virus. Last minute cancellations became normal and happened more often.
At first, I took this personally. However, as I looked at all the changes that happened over the past year, I quickly realized that cancelations from friends were rarely their attempt at avoiding you. What mattered was if they rescheduled and followed through eventually. The theme of this year was knowing that you weren’t the problem in your friendships. The changes happening in the world were much larger than anything you would’ve caused.
Apologies Accepted
When I would have a small fight with my friends over miscommunication, stress we were all under, or whatever other reason, I knew I had to be sincere with my apologies and accept their genuine apologies.
It solves the problem much quicker and you become a better friend by pushing aside your pride and giving a heartfelt apology. You don’t have to forget the situation, but try to understand their point of view, accept that they mean it, and find a way to move on.
Continue Making Friends
No matter how old you are, making friends is one of the most joyous experiences. It’s been hard to keep up and add new friendships over this time, but it’s important to try all the same. These lessons can help you make friends and keep friendships at any age. Look back through your own year and see what unique lessons on friendship you came across. You might be surprised at how much you grew over the course of the year.