Feeling Unlucky In Love? Your Enneagram Might Hold A Clue To Better Relationships

If you’re anything like me, then you’re totally comfortable with letting unseen forces explain your life. (Yes, I’m looking at you, astrology!) I have always loved the personality quizzes tucked into magazines, and I feel like your Enneagram type is just a grown-up version of these silly quizzes.

Utilizing your Enneagram to learn more about yourself and your habits is a great way to work with yourself instead of against who you truly are. It will give you a huge leg up in every aspect of your life, and it’s a really great way to learn more about your love life. I’ll outline some of the types that you may be lucky in love with, as well as some tips that you can keep in mind while exploring the murky waters that are dating in the twenty-first century. 

What is an Enneagram? 

As you have likely gleaned, an Enneagram is simply a personality type. According to the Enneagram Institute, every person can be broken down into one of nine different personality types. 

According to their philosophy, we are each born into one of the nine types and remain there for our entire lives, regardless of the changes we may go through. This makes an Enneagram a great way to learn about yourself and curate your life to your specific needs. 

Enneagram 1: The Reformer

As a Type One, you truly are number one in so many people’s books! You’re just, ethical, and constantly trying to make things better for everyone else. You hold yourself to a high standard, as well as everyone else in your life–this includes potential romantic partners! 

When it comes to dating, Type Ones likely have a set list of requirements for their potential partners. The best advice I can offer you? Don’t feel restricted to this list! As corny as it sounds, love and companionship can come from the most surprising sources. Allow yourself to get swept up in the romance of it all–that’s what dating is about! 

Enneagram 2: The Helper

If you’re a Type Two, you make everyone in your life feel so loved and appreciated. As the Helper type, you are constantly going out of your way to ensure that everyone is having the best time possible…even if it comes at your own expense. 

Unfortunately, this is a quality that can get really exploited in dating. Remember, a relationship should be an equal give-and-take for both people. Do not simply bend to the will of your partner because it would be easier to let it go, your own happiness matters! Be sure to express your assertiveness, even (and especially) when you may not want to. I promise the right person will stick around. 

Enneagram 3: The Achiever

Type Three has never met a goal that they cannot absolutely smash. Being ambitious just comes with the Three’s territory! However, when it comes to dating, you should be less concerned with the end result and more focused on the journey. This can be a hard thing for a Three to let go of. 

Rather than looking at love as something to conquer, I suggest reframing your view to see it as something you get to experience. The best way to go about this? Shed some of your shell and allow your inner self to shine through. Vulnerability is in! Show your partner who you truly are and even if your relationship doesn’t last, I bet you learned something about yourself in the end. 

Enneagram 4: The Individualist

Even in their love life, a Type Four can’t help but stand out from the rest. As the Individualist, you’re always looking for deep and meaningful relationships. While your unique vibe will certainly attract your perfect partner, Fours may struggle with feelings of inadequacy in dating. 

Finding harmony between seeking these connections while having confidence in your own individual personality may be tough, but it’s the only way to have inner peace while dating. I promise you that you are definitely enough, and if your partner does not reaffirm that or makes you feel as though you’re lacking, you’re better off without them. 

Enneagram 5: The Investigator

Being an absolute boss just comes with the territory when you’re a Type Five. The Investigator has their eyes trained on the prize. Fives are thoughtful, inquisitive, and typically whip-smart. Much like the Type Three, however, you should be careful about treating dating as something to conquer. 

Be sure to approach dating with your emotional intelligence as well as your intellect. While you should never “dumb yourself down” for your partner or hide your brain, it’s easy to view love as a science experiment as a Type Five. Don’t fear emotional intimacy! It’s just as rewarding as an intellectual victory, I promise. 

Enneagram 6: The Loyalist

Ah, the Loyalist. Loyalty is likely toward the top of every person’s dating checklist. Who wants an unfaithful partner? 

That being said, it’s unbelievably important that you trust your gut in relationships. Just because you’ve been with your partner for X amount of time does not mean you owe them anything if they are consistently letting you down or if you’re simply done with the relationship. Don’t forget to trust yourself while dating! 

Enneagram 7: The Enthusiast

As a Type Seven, you’re certainly never far away from the life of the party. In fact, in many situations, you are the life of the party! While you should never let your spark die, be mindful of forming deep and meaningful connections. 

Although your zest for life will (hopefully) never dull, time moves quicker than you might think. If having someone to share your life with is important to you, then I encourage you to find someone who can keep up with your spark. Your roll doesn’t have to slow if your partner truly loves you for who you are, just be sure to slow down enough to actually find the partner! 

Enneagram 8: The Challenger

The Challenger is definitely not afraid to take charge! Type Eights will always tell you how it is, are never ones to shy away from conflict, and definitely have the confidence to get what they want. But a relationship is made up of two people, and sometimes, an Eight forgets to let the other person contribute to the conversation. 

Although your perfect partner should never try to change you or stop you from running the show, remember that a relationship is a democracy of two, not a dictatorship of one. Maintaining a balance of strength and vulnerability may be hard to strike, but I have the utmost faith you’ll find what you deserve. 

Enneagram 9: The Peacemaker

Ah, last but certainly not least, the Peacemaker. Similar to a Type Six, Nines need to learn that they deserve just as much as their partner does. Even though you highly value harmony, shying away from conflict won’t get you very far. 

Although you may think ignoring your own feelings for “the good of your relationship” is actually a positive thing, shoving your thoughts and emotions down will do nothing but hurt you in the long run. If it helps, start small by sharing thoughts you fear your partner will think of as “bad.” I guarantee you, if your partner is the person for you, they will not react poorly. If they do? Then they aren’t the partner for you! 

Regardless of what your Enneagram teaches you about yourself, remember that dating is a unique and personal experience. While your Enneagram can certainly offer valuable insights into your life, it does not define you. Date however and whoever you want!