11 Lessons I’ve Learned From Moving To A New City Alone
“I want to move.” This notion can feel similar to peering over a dizzyingly steep cliff and preparing to step off into the unknown. You wonder: Am I going to fly or fall on the way down?
Whether it’s for a job relocation, a relationship, college, post-breakup, or simply the opportunity for a fresh start, moving to a new city alone is a significant lifestyle change. “Starting over” is a process that regularly fluctuates from terrifying to thrilling, lonely to fulfilling, overwhelming to enjoyable, all the time.
It’s not going to be Sex in the City glamor immediately, but if you embrace the knowledge that it will be a journey of ups and downs, you are already well-prepared to make this new move an incredible experience in ways you can’t even anticipate.
From my perspective, I have moved more than ten times to places where I had two or fewer prior acquaintances. Many of those moves were due to seasonal work (short-term gigs that lasted six months), but the most recent ones were motivated by more long-term, “adult-oriented” decisions. Each time I moved and acclimatized to a different community, I learned so much about myself, the world, and others. I also picked up a few methods to the madness on how to optimize a move and make the most of this experience, shared below!
11 Lessons I Learned When I Moved to a New City Alone (And Started Over)
Here are eleven lessons that can hopefully guide you in your exciting move to a new city.
““Don’t splash around in the shallow water. That ‘perfect opportunity’ to get to know people and try new things will never come...””
Jump in immediately
Don’t splash around in the shallow water. That “perfect opportunity” to get to know people and try new things will never come; you will have to create and seize those opportunities! Beginning your move on the right foot sets the tone and expectation for yourself, and immediately gives you heightened confidence and comfortability. You may feel scared, so make little moves every day as soon as you get there to break down that barrier. Use the adrenaline of this big change as a tool to dive into the deep end.
Be aggressively friendly and open
You are going to have to scare yourself—and maybe everyone you meet—with your assertive friendliness. Being the first to smile and strike up a conversation gets easier with practice and will often have a positive result more than anything else. If that is outside your comfort zone, ask yourself: What do I have to lose? Everyone who moves to a new city alone is confronted with the same issue of how to make genuine friendships as an adult.
When grown individuals cross paths organically, there is this uncertain, unspoken barrier of whether they have the space in their already-constructed lives to let the other person in. (Ah, I so miss kindergarten days where you could share a crayon and thereafter be soulmates!) But you will be surprised that more people than you think are open to getting to know you! It may require more effort and energy than you’ve had to exert before, but I promise, this challenge will be one of the most rewarding aspects of your move.
Find (your own) way to participate in the local culture
Wherever you are moving to, embrace it. Each city offers a unique culture and community, and actively participating in this will help you feel at home quickly. You want to be a local, right? Find out what makes other locals tick, and search for ways to experience, not just observe from afar, your new home intimately.
Become a regular
Find your favorite coffee house, corner dive bar, yoga studio, library, or public park, and make a few select places your home-away-from-home. Chat up the baristas, bartenders, and other regulars. In a new city where everything is foreign and new, having a few places besides your own house that feel homey will increase your comfort with the entire region.
Join a group
Join several groups, in fact. What personal passion are you interested in continuing in your new city? Or, what new pastime are you looking to get into? Climbing, hiking, open mics, volunteering, professional networking, running, a cooking class, a writing class? Groups and organizations offer the opportunity to spend quality time with others who are pursuing similar interests. You get to know others in a real way, gain a sense of belonging, and can engage your body and mind in an enjoyable activity. It is particularly helpful to seek out groups designed for individuals new to your city. Check out Facebook groups, meetup.com, or even local poster boards close to home.
““It is a choice to stay curious, to not settle into feeling like you’ve covered everything and to continue to seek out new treasures in your free time.””
Stay curious
Novelty is a beautiful thing. The six-month honeymoon phase with your new city where there is something unexplored and unexpected around every corner will be glorious, but it can dissolve without you even realizing it. Eventually, that adrenaline kick fades. Or will you choose to not let it fade? It is a choice to stay curious, to not settle into feeling like you’ve covered everything and to continue to seek out new treasures in your free time. Putting continual energy into your relationship with your new home will always serve you best.
Make the comfort zone a thing of the past
There is nothing new to offer you in the comfort zone! Now is the time to do something weird and surprise yourself. Pick up the most random hobby or skill; get to know the kinds of people you were always skeptical of before. Stepping outside your comfort zone—which you are already doing by moving to a new city alone—will reward you a thousand times over. One of the best mantras in relation to moving to a new city is: “If it scares you, you are on the right track.” Run towards what scares you the most, because that’s where the magic lies.
Do not give up
Resilience and patience will be tested on your new move. When you’re finally in your new apartment surrounded by cardboard boxes, the Wifi router isn’t set up yet, you don’t know anyone around for miles, thoughts of “What have I just done?” are circling with the ceiling fan, and all your regrets and doubts are bubbling up-—BREATHE. Trust that the future ahead is brighter than it has ever been before, practice patience, and know it takes time to make this new place feel truly like home.
Believe in the power of the law of attraction
Whatever type of energy you exert will return to you! The law of attraction never seems so black-and-white as when you are moving to a new city alone. The slate is blank; the canvas is empty. If you envision loving your new city and making the most and best of your move, then you shall. If you focus on doubts and fears, those are more likely to take the forefront of your experience and interfere.
Take “no” out of your vocabulary
You just became the ultimate yes-man. Saying “yes” to everything that comes your way organically is your key when moving to a new city. Leave preconceived notions, judgements, and opinions in your rearview mirror. Allowing yourself to be open to new experiences will truly change your life and make every single difference in how your fresh start unfolds. Be open, and say “yes.”
Don’t expect to simply remake yourself
The opportunity of starting completely over is powerful, is it not? You can overhaul your life, start from scratch, and reshape your identity into the person you always thought you would be. New you? Right? Yes and no. On one hand, you already had that blueprint and potential deep inside to be the person you always thought that you were going to be. Moving to a new city may or may not unlock that potential, depending on your mindset and actions.
““The opportunity of starting completely over is powerful, is it not? You can overhaul your life, start from scratch, and reshape your identity...[but] you already had that blueprint and potential deep inside to be the person you always thought that you were going to be.””
On the other hand, it is not realistic to hope that you are going to wake up in a new city as the best version of yourself, with no traces of the insecurities and pitfalls that have been a part of your past. Moving cities is not escaping. However, this new move to a new city is your opportunity to face both negative and positive elements with fresh strength and an eagle-eye perspective. What are you going to do with this unique opportunity?