8 Non-Traditional Things I'm Doing For My Wedding
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I have never considered myself a “traditional person,” so it’s no surprise that I am going a little rogue with my wedding.
There are so many parts about traditional weddings that just don’t resonate with me, so I’ve decided to take things into my own hands and plan a wedding that honors me, my relationship, and all the quirks that come along with us. With all of these “non-traditions,” I am excited to have a day that feels truly and authentically me.
8 Non-Traditional Things I’m Doing For My Wedding
Here’s how I plan to do that:
Walking Down The Aisle Together
A big part of this is that I’m just awkward and don’t want everyone looking at me for an extended period of time, but the real truth is that our wedding day is ours. I want us to come down the aisle together, in partnership, ready to start this next chapter of our lives. I don’t want to be “given away” or “handed off.” I want to walk, hand in hand, happily into our marriage together and I truly believe the first step is walking literally down the aisle together. Plus, I think those photos of that moment will be the most special of the bunch.
““...but the real truth is that our wedding day is ours. I want us to come down the aisle together, in partnership, ready to start this next chapter of our lives. I don’t want to be ‘given away’ or ‘handed off.’””
Having a Non-Gendered Ceremony
On the outside, we look like a “stereotypical heterosexual couple,” but the truth is that I am a bisexual non-binary human and we are in a queer relationship. That part of my identity is really important to me and it’s important that I have a ceremony that honors that. Additionally, it’s important that we have a ceremony that reflects us—not anyone else’s vision of us. It’s also really important for us to acknowledge the role our community has in our ceremony because it is because of our community that we will have a loving and lasting relationship. We are partners in life and collaborators. Our ceremony will reflect that.
No Wedding Dress For Me
Don’t get me wrong, I pinned all the dresses on Pinterest. I watched far too many episodes of Say Yes to the Dress to not be at least a little bit interested in going to try on wedding dresses with my besties. But, when it came down to it, it wasn’t authentic to me. When I thought about what my wedding day would look like, or rather, what I would feel like on my wedding day, it really came down to comfort. For me, it’s not about looking like a glamorous princess or rock star, it was about being the most comfortable, being able to move freely ,and not worry about having to change a bunch. Or, honestly, be worried about whether or not I could toss what I was wearing in the wash if I was clumsy that day or not. I also wanted a wedding outfit that I wouldn’t just wear once and wanted to prioritize sustainability by having pieces made that I could incorporate into my everyday closet. So I commissioned a small maker who I’ve bought beautiful clothes from before to make me a custom wedding outfit. It includes a pair of elastic-waisted pants for comfort, but little glamorous details that will make it feel like the wedding royalty I want to feel like, while being able to stay true to the cozy, comfy personal style that I’ve worked hard to cultivate.
Friends Are Our Family
While this one is harder to talk about because it can bring up some grief, the truth is that my wedding will not be for my family. In fact, they aren’t invited. A lot of people may roll their eyes or gasp at the thought, but I am not close with my family and I will not pretend that I am just to fulfill some “traditional” wedding ideal. My wedding is for my partner and I and that means upholding the boundaries that make us—make me—feel safe. My partner and friends are my family. My partner’s parents will be there. And that is what feels right for us. I think it’s important for people to know that families don’t have to be involved if you don’t want them to be. Despite what “tradition” may say, your wedding day is for you, not them.
““I think it’s important for people to know that families don’t have to be involved if you don’t want them to be. Despite what ‘tradition’ may say, your wedding day is for you, not them.””
Bridesmaids, Gays, and Theys Are The Guests
Speaking of friends as family, my “bridesmaids” are actually just the guests of my wedding! Same with my partner’s groomsmen. Something about traditional weddings that I always thought was a little weird was that the bridal party—the people closest to us—didn’t actually get to watch the ceremony. They just had to stand there and peek over at what was happening. I don’t want my wedding party next to me. I want them to be sitting down, comfortable, enjoying themselves, and being able to celebrate us with us as we exchange our vows and honor the people who got us to where we are today.
One Hotel To House Them All
The benefit to having a really small wedding (we have about 30 guests) and getting married in the city where most of your close friends live is that you can find one really cool hotel to house everyone and have the whole event in one place. Something that was really important to me was a stellar venue where we could hang out with all our guests comfortably, without having to worry about changing venues, house the ones who were coming from out of town, and have a space that was aesthetically pleasing. Luckily, we found just the place and bought out an 8-room hotel in downtown Kansas City for the weekend. It checked off all my boxes and is cozy, intimate, and will be the perfect backdrop to our “I-dos.”
Focusing On the Meal Instead Of the Party
A big cornerstone to our relationship is gathering with our loved ones over a warm meal. It’s also a big part of our relationship as a couple. After all, I was proposed to by having to scoop out my ring from a pot of boiling pasta water. A lot of people may be disappointed by the lack of a giant dance party at the end of the ceremony, but that’s just not who we are. I am sure there will be some dancing by the end of the night, but what’s important to us is gathering around a large low-key meal with all of our guests, being able to talk to everyone, taking our time, and enjoying each other’s company.
Thrifted Tableware For The Meal and Beyond
Because the meal is the main event, I wanted to have a tablescape that was gorgeous and unique. I also wanted to make sure the guests had something to take home with them to remember the night by and, besides, who doesn’t love a little vintage glass? First, it was my goal to thrift a bunch of vintage amber and green glasses. After doing this, (and looking at my rental options for dishes and not finding what I wanted) I decided I wanted to thrift plates next. I love all things vintage and thrifted and so this felt like a really easy way to bring my personal decor style into my wedding decor. I also thought it was great because we will be able to take these plates into our home and use them for all of our large meals for years to come.
At the end of the day, your wedding is your day. If you want to go the more traditional route, I celebrate you in that! I also think it is important to normalize breaking out of that tradition and the expectations that can come with weddings if it means it will honor your love and relationship more. I believe the goal on a wedding day should be to find ways to be the most present. These small, little steps are going to help make the day perfect and the best wedding for my partner and I, as we step into this next chapter of our relationship.