5 Self-Care Tips To Practice When You’re Dating (That I Wish Someone Had Told Me)
I know from personal experience that dating in the era of swiping, ghosting, and hook-up culture can be rough. It can be both mentally and emotionally draining if you don’t recognize your own self-worth and advocate for yourself!
That’s why it’s important that we develop a strong foundation of self-care practices to help guide you through the dating world. In this sense, ‘self-care’ doesn’t mean buying a face mask or running a bubble bath. Here, the term literally means ‘to care for one’s self.’ To protect your own mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
Having experienced my fair share of unsolicited ‘u up?’ texts, clingy guys, and, self-proclaimed commitment-phobes, I know firsthand the toll that dating can have on your self-esteem.
So what can you do to practice self-care when you’re dating in order to safeguard your mental and emotional well-being? Let’s get right into it.
5 self-care tips for when you’re dating
Don’t Force Yourself to Go On Dates That You’re Not Genuinely Excited For
With the popularity of dating apps in this day and age, the potential to meet new people is practically endless. It also means that you get asked on a lot more dates. This can be a great thing, but it can also be stressful because it puts a lot of pressure on you to make time in your schedule to meet up with a bunch of virtual strangers.
Sometimes we are really excited to meet up with someone new, other times we just are not feeling it, for whatever reason. Yet even when our gut tells us that a date is going to be a waste of our time, we ignore it and go anyways.
We need to stop going on dates that don’t genuinely excite us! It’s detrimental to our emotional well-being because it often creates a lot of anxiety and negative emotions beforehand and/or regret afterwards because we know, deep down, that our time would be better spent elsewhere.
The truth is that you don’t owe your time to anyone on a dating app. Just because you matched, doesn’t mean you’re obligated to meet in person. If the spark isn’t there before the meet up, it’s okay to say no. Your time and energy is valuable, so save it for the ones that give you butterflies when their name pops up on your screen.
Don’t Feel Obligated to Keep Talking to Someone That You Went on One Date With if You’re Not Interested
Who else has felt a certain amount of guilt when they go on a date with someone who’s really sweet and expresses interest in wanting to see you again, but you just aren’t feeling it? It’s not that they aren’t a great person, you just aren’t interested in them like that.
I think we’ve all been guilty of keeping someone on the hook because we ‘felt bad since they were really nice,’ but it’s time to ditch that habit. Not only are you wasting their time, but you’re also negatively impacting your emotional well-being by forcing yourself to spend time with someone that, deep-down, you don’t really want to.
The honest truth is that it’s rare to find someone that you genuinely connect with. It can take a lot of time and a lot of patience before you meet someone that you ‘click’ with emotionally, intellectually, and physically. It’s not only completely normal to not be attracted to everyone you go on a date with, but it’s also totally fine to just admit that you don’t feel a spark and move on.
““Not only are you wasting their time, but you’re also negatively impacting your emotional well-being by forcing yourself to spend time with someone that, deep-down, you don’t really want to. ””
Recognize When Someone Adds Value to your Life Versus When They Just Add Validation
This tip can be a bit of a tough pill to swallow. Many of the people you date don’t really add value to your life, but you keep them around because they validate you.
Having people in your life who only serve to validate you can be detrimental to your self-worth because you become reliant on other people for validation, rather than just knowing that we’re enough without needing someone to tell you.
““Self-love is the ability to feel beautiful without needing someone to tell you.””
It’s human nature to want a little validation from your partner, but they should also bring other things to the relationship like adventure, spontaneity, and passion. They should be supportive of your goals and excited about your dreams and aspirations. Ultimately, they should bring out the best in you, not just tell you that they find you attractive.
Take a good look at your current relationship and honestly ask yourself, in what ways do they add to my life? If your list is short, there’s plenty more fish out there.
Be Honest with Yourself About How Fast You’re Comfortable Moving & Set Boundaries
Nowadays, there’s a lot of pressure to move quickly in your sexual relationships. It’s so easy to get caught up in. Part of you feels insecure, like if you don’t move at the same speed as your partner then they’ll find someone else who will. You feel like you need to be cool with having casual sex because everyone else is.
If you’re someone who is completely fine with just hooking up, all the power to you! But if you’re someone who needs to feel completely comfortable with someone before becoming sexually intimate, it’s important that you recognize and accept that.
Succumbing to the pressures of ‘hookup culture’ negatively impacts your emotional well-being because when you get intimate with someone before you’re truly ready, it can cause a lot of stress and anxiety in the relationship.
Avoid this by being open with the guys you’re dating about the fact that you aren’t comfortable getting sexually intimate in the early stages. You can still show affections and build sexual tension, even if you want to hold off a bit before going all the way.
Remember, the right person will respect your pace, and will probably find you even more attractive because you show self-respect in setting clear boundaries and prioritizing your well-being.
““Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others” ”
Make People Put in Effort to be Part of your Life—Don’t Chase Them Around Trying to Convince Them How Great You Are
Are you someone who comes on strong at the start of a relationship and ends up scaring the other person off? It can be hard to help ourselves, especially when we meet someone that we really like. The trouble is that when we ‘chase’ other people, you’re sending a subconscious signal to them that your life is missing something, when in fact, you want to be sending the opposite signal. Your life should be so full of your passions, hobbies, and interests that a person has to fight for a space in your life.
Don’t look for someone to complete you, you’re already whole! You should only have time to entertain people who genuinely want to be there and who add value to your life.You should never have to convince someone to be a part of your life. It’s emotionally draining, and frankly a waste of time. If someone wants to be in your life, they’ll show you, not only with their words, but also their actions.
If someone is giving you clear signs that they don’t want to be in your life, for example they take days to respond to your texts, they never make plans and don’t show any interest in your life, then just shake it off! In fact, here’s the perfect guide for getting over them once and for all.
You’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay!
““You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” ”
Those are 5 tips for practicing self-care when you’re dating, that will help make it a fun experience, rather than an emotionally draining one!
To recap:
Don’t force yourself to go on dates that you aren’t genuinely excited for
Don’t feel obligated to keep talking to someone that you went on one date with if you aren’t interested in them
Recognize when someone adds value to your life versus just validation
Be honest with yourself about how fast you’re comfortable moving and set boundaries
Make people put in effort to be part of your life- don’t chase them around trying to convince them how great you are
The bottom line is that you should respect yourself enough to choose the thing that’s going to protect your mental and emotional well-being, even if it means letting go of a couple relationships along the way.
