6 Things to Try When You're Feeling Behind in Life
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Being healthy is an entire lifestyle—not just something that you can do when you feel like it. But, sometimes, we often neglect our own mental health, likely since it’s something that can--more often than not--be felt, but not seen. Most of us struggle with taking time for our own self-care, but one topic that is often overlooked is the feeling of being left behind.
This presents in a lot of different ways, but having just passed the holiday season, the start of a new year often sets on a warp speed trajectory the feeling of being behind. Of not starting your year on the “right” foot. Of not having the whole year already planned out. Of not having big things on the horizon. Big plans in the works. But, contrary to popular belief (and society’s messaging on the subject) not having your life planned out doesn’t mean that you are necessarily behind. It simply means that your life has taken a few different twists and turns to get to where you are now (and where you will be…in due time). And, that’s okay.
So let me reiterate: You are not behind. You are on your own journey. There truly is no timeline to these things; no train you might have missed.
6 Tips to Stop Feeling Behind in Life
Stop Social Comparisons
In a world where social media is king, it’s so incredibly hard not to look to social media as a source of inspiration. You may see so many friends from high school with beautiful families or friends with amazing careers. But, of course we’re going to see these things! These are the highlight reel. Ultimately, that’s something important to remember—people don’t share the bad or mundane things; people don’t even share everything. (Well, some people do, but that’s another story.) The moral is this: People only share what they want to share so that they can control the messaging, often portraying a perfect world, sickeningly stuffed full of happiness. It’s both the blessing and the curse of social media apps like Facebook and Instagram. The user is ultimately in charge of their content. If you don’t like a photo? Delete it. You don’t like a post about you? Delete it. Most people aren’t likely to be open or vulnerable enough to share their less-than-perfect moments.
Social comparisons are hard and, try as hard as we might, inevitable. We are trained to start these comparisons from an early age. Think about when you first started school. Even through we have many differences and backgrounds, most can agree that we had a similar life trajectory until we turned 18—for some of us, even 21. You plus your friends share many of the same life experiences: classes, homework, first cars, first dates, Prom, Graduation. So, while you might compare, you can at least relate on some level, even if it is small. After high school, many of us may go on to college, trade schools, or directly into the workforce. Our peers are relatable.
But, after those years pass, our lives start to divert. Some of us develop and grow in different ways, whether this be in our career, travel, or by starting a family. As our life directions start to splinter, we find ourselves grasping at the pieces, trying to understand what is the right path. This might be the first time that you’ve had to find your own way and, understandably so, it’s scary.
This idea that anyone is “ahead” in life is false. It’s simply a different path.
Live in the Present Moment
Instead of making these social comparisons, let’s turn the focus back to you. What does your present look like? How are you feeling right now? When you look at your life as a whole—not just at the pieces—what do you see? How would you describe yourself to a stranger? This is a fun exercise because, for most of us, the first few statements that we tell a stranger are about external markers. “I work in…” or “I am” and “I…” It’s an unconscious habit that we immediately have to define ourselves, either by work or by a self-defined social status. It feels as though we have to defend our current place in our lives by justifying it with these labels.
But, take a step back. Instead of listing these qualifiers, think instead about your personal life. How did you feel when you woke up this morning? What have you done recently for your personal health? To expand your personal learning?
It’s completely okay to have goals and aspirations (in fact, we should!) but they shouldn’t be all-encompassing. Having a good job or making a lot of money doesn’t truly define who we are as human beings. And, if we encounter someone that feels as though they are “further along” on this life trajectory, we don’t need to justify or explain to them (or ourselves) why we are where we are in our lives.
Make Gratitude A Daily Practice
So are you feeling behind? In work? In life? In family? Let’s work on reversing that thought pattern! The very first step comes in being thankful for the things that you do have. Some might say that looking in a mirror and truly seeing its reflection is one of the hardest things to do! I completely agree, but that’s why I’m suggesting keeping a gratitude journal.
When everything around us seems chaotic and hectic, try to sit down in the evenings and write down three things you’re grateful for that day. Or, conversely, start your morning with the same practice. If you have the time, instead of grabbing your phone first thing when you wake up, grab your journal. It might seem silly at first, but writing down these things each day truly makes you think about the good in each day. And, when you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed, it’s good to look back as a reminder of all of the things that you have in your life. They can be simple things, too, such as: “I’m thankful for this cozy bed.” But soon, the little things, and starting (or ending!) your day on a positive note, will transcend into the larger things.
Seek Out People Who Are Genuinely Happy
This goes back to the discussion of social media comparisons. Just because someone has the things that you desire, doesn’t mean that they are happy. How many times have you heard sad stories of famous celebrities whose lives have ended tragically? People who are genuinely happy are people who are also fulfilled. Money and status doesn’t create happiness. If you look to this as an ideal, you can become stuck on an infinite wheel of comparison to which there is no satisfaction or achievement.
When you’re struggling with feelings of self-doubt and self-worth, surrounding yourself with people who are genuinely happy can teach you valuable tips and tools. The worst thing that we can do is isolate ourselves from everyone, with the mindset that we “Can’t do X until…” We, as humans, are much stronger when we connect with each other and work together in the process.
Learn How to Say “No”
You know that old saying that goes, “Stop burning the candle at both ends!” Well, stop! Stop doing it (right now)! Obviously, that’s easier said than done, but it’s all about learning how to say “no.” If you constantly feel that you have to overwork and overextend yourself in order to “make up for lost time,” this is for you. You are not behind in life; working harder will not allow you to “catch up.” In fact, sometimes saying “no,” is about prioritizing what is important. But by focusing on what truly matters to you, and filtering out the noise and comparisons, you’ll find that you are much further along on the path than you thought you were.
Find What Brings You Joy
What brings you joy? I would wager that it isn’t the external factors, such as a good job or lots of money (although, many would say that those things don’t necessarily hurt.) But do they truly make you happy? The richest person in the world isn’t the happiest if they can’t enjoy their life outside of their money. The same goes for you. If you spend each day focusing on chasing these external motivators — money, career, etc — you have little time to find the things that make you happy. So, find joy in your daily life. And seek it with a passion!
