Lacking Confidence? These Experts Explain How To Take Your Power Back
There are many reasons why someone may not feel confident. For many of us, self-confidence is a hard thing to build in general, but with this era of picture-perfect social media content, it makes building confidence that much harder. Most of our timelines are currently flooded with curated content that teeters on the edge of–or falls right into–toxic positivity.
What Is Self-Confidence?
It’s important to fully understand what self-confidence is before you can begin to build yours up. “Self-confidence is essentially the trust we have in our own abilities, the sense of assurance in our judgment, and our capacity to confront life's challenges,” says licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Kim Homan.
In other words, our confidence is only about how attractive we think that we are. It’s about how we feel about ourselves as a whole–what we say, what we do, and what we wear. The Tennessee-based therapist continued, “Building self-confidence is not just about feeling good about yourself but about developing resilience and a positive mindset that empowers you to navigate life's ups and downs.”
Here are a few tips that may help you gain confidence no matter what’s causing your doubts and insecurities!
Make A Positivity List
Psychiatrist, Psychotherapist, and Clinical Director, Sarah Boss, suggests writing down what you like about yourself as a way to build confidence. “One practical way to do this is to list your positive qualities and accomplishments. Refer to this list regularly to remind yourself of your worth.” You can keep this list in a journal and add to it regularly (even daily), or you can hang the positivity list on your wall or workspace to give yourself a boost during the day.
Focusing on your positive attributes is a commonly advised way to increase your self-esteem, and Relationship Coach, Kayden Roberts, agrees. “Recognizing and nurturing your strengths is fundamental for building self-confidence. Often, individuals focus on their perceived flaws or weaknesses, overlooking their unique talents and abilities.”
The Camgo CMO recommends that your personal positivity list include all “strengths and achievements, no matter how small they might seem.” If you’re a nap-loving adult and you made it all day without a nap, or if you had an unbelievably amazing hair day, those are achievements worth bragging about!
Fail Forward
Lindsey Tong, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with Profound, simply says, “Learn from failure.” When we don’t reach a fitness goal or our work project isn’t well received, too many of us tend to let this negatively impact our self-confidence. Lindsey advises against that dangerous pattern. “Instead of allowing it to lower your self-confidence, use it as an opportunity to learn and grow.”
Remember the positivity list? Document your successes within the failure and embrace the rest as an opportunity to improve. Every mishap is a building block towards a confident future.
Set Small Goals
Just about every expert we spoke to emphasized the importance of setting micro goals. Setting an attainable goal, as well as achieving it, is a form of positive reinforcement. Depending on your goals, you will begin to feel more confident in your own abilities and appearance over time. Similarly, celebrating small wins can really boost your confidence. Take even just 30 seconds to clap for yourself and do so regularly!
Practice Positive Affirmations
Positive affirmations are a form of self-care. Affirmations aren’t just giving yourself compliments as you look at yourself in the mirror each morning while brushing your teeth. While it is certainly true that positive affirmations can start your day in the right direction, daily affirmations can be done at any time. Affirmative statements that you can say out loud or write down include:
“I am in love with myself.”
“I am in awe of my body.”
“I am brave.”
“I am intelligent.”
“I am enough.”
“I am smart.”
“I am beauty.”
“I am perfect just the way I am.”
“I am a beautiful person.”
“I am proud of myself unconditionally.”
Affirming yourself isn’t just about giving yourself compliments. The music that you listen to may also impact the way in which you view yourself. If repeating compliments you hear isn’t your cup of tea, create a playlist dedicated to improving your self-perception.
Regularly listening to songs like “Good Morning Gorgeous” by Mary J. Blige, “Flawless” by Beyonce, or even “Sit Still, Look Pretty” by Daya or “Vanity” by Christina Aguilera are an enjoyable, fun way to steadily feel like the attractive person you are.
Embrace Your Inner Beauty
I know it sounds cliché and easier to say than do, but it’s important. It’s normal for anyone to want to feel attractive and confident, but focusing too much on your outer appearance can lead to insecurities. “As a plastic surgeon, I see firsthand the impact self-confidence can have on someone's life,” says Harvard and Johns Hopkins-trained Plastic Surgeon, Dr. Bart Kachniarz. “Surgery is not a magic wand: It can address physical concerns, but it won't solve all your problems.” The surgeon tells us that nourishing your inner beauty will undoubtedly increase your attractiveness.
The saying “self-confidence is the best outfit” exists for a reason. Your inner beauty and self-esteem is the foundation of your appeal.
Enjoy Gym Therapy
Working out releases endorphins that boost your mood. This feeling has been described as “euphoric” or labeled a “runner’s high.” It’s no secret that such positive moods will help you to view yourself in a better light. However, too many of us are guilty of sticking to a workout regimen to become attractive; this is a goal based on physical appearance. When you workout with the sole goal of molding into beauty standards, you run the risk of never being satisfied with yourself.
Society’s beauty standards are ever-evolving, meaning that you would need to constantly alter your appearance to keep up. This isn’t a healthy way to live, nor a way to be truly confident. There should be no shame in wanting to look good for yourself; just be mindful of where your beauty standards come from and how they are impacting you…positively or negatively.
Get Dressed Each Day
Not getting fully dressed for a long period of time can take a negative toll on your perception of yourself, too, especially if you love the way that you look when you’re all put together or are used to dressing up frequently.
Getting ready each morning does not have to be a full production. This can be as simple as just adding mascara or wearing your favorite blouse, instead of a t-shirt. Putting on your favorite lipstick color before a meeting can boost your confidence, which can go a long way in the workplace.
Go On Solo dates
A surefire way to celebrate your inner and outer beauty is to dress up for yourself and go on a solo date. This can be an outing to the mall or an intimate dinner with you and a good book. Any excuse to put on your favorite dress and feel gorgeous and confident is worthwhile! You’ll be the best date you’ve ever had.
Only Allow Positive Friendships
“Choose your friends wisely” is more than just an annoying phrase your parents used to stay to keep you out of trouble. Who you talk to on a regular basis directly impacts your self-perception. If your friends are always putting themselves (or you!) down, there is a strong chance that eventually, you’ll begin accepting those beliefs as well. It’s imperative to your confidence that you are able to find supportive friends.
“Emotional support from people who care about you leads to improved self-confidence,” explained Sarah Boss. Basically, having supportive friends is yet another form of self-care. They will be there to reiterate your positive affirmations and dispel any negative thoughts that you may have about yourself.
It’s not your fault if you don't feel fully confident. A lack of confidence can be caused by many factors. But, no matter the root cause, you deserve to be fully confident in everything about yourself. Gaining confidence may take time, but always remember: You are worth the investment in yourself!